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X-Files Quotables


Mulder ...we'd been friends together, in other lifetimes, always. Would it have changed some of the ways we looked at one another?
Scully Even if I knew for certain, I wouldn't change a day. Well, except for that flukeman thing. I could have lived without that.
- The Field Where I Died

Mulder Hey Scully, do you think you could ever cannabilize somebody? I mean, if you really had to.
Scully Well, as much as the very idea is abhorrent to me, I suppose under certain conditions the living entity is practically conditioned to perform whatever extreme measures are necessary to ensure it's survival. I suppose I'm no different.
Mulder You've lost some weight recently haven't you?
Scully Yeah, actually I have, thanks for....(stops after realizing what he meant)
Mulder (laughs) But it is amazing what some animals will do to guarantee the continuation of the species isn't it? I mean a creature, the one of this size, must have adapted its behaviour over the years to minimize its chances of being seen by its own predator, us. It's coming closer to shore for its prey must be an act of desperation on its part.
Scully Poor Queequeg.
Mulder Why did you name your dog Queequeg?
Scully It was the name of the harpoonist in Moby Dick. My father used to read to me from Moby Dick when I was a little girl, and I called him Ahab, and he called me Starbuck, so I named my dog Queequeg. It's funny, I just realized something.
Mulder It's a bizarre name for a dog, huh?
Scully No, how much you're like Ahab. You're so consumed by your personal vengence against life, whether it be it's inherent cruelties or it's mysteries that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology.
Mulder Scully, are you coming on to me?
Scully It's just...the truth or a white whale, what difference does it make? I mean, both obsessions are impossible to capture and trying to do so will only leave you dead along with everyone else you bring with you. You know Mulder, you ARE Ahab.
Mulder You know, it's interesting you should say that, because I've always wanted a peg leg. It's a boyhood thing I never grew out of. No, I'm not being flippant. I mean, I've given this a lot of thought. If you have a peg leg or hooks for hands, you know, maybe it's enough to simply carry on living, you know, bravely facing life with your disability; it's heroic just to survive. But without these things, you're actually expected to make something of your life, achieve something, earn a raise, wear a necktie. So if anything, I'm actually the antithesis of Ahab because if I did have a peg leg I'd quite possibly be more happy, more content and not feel the need to chase after these creatures of the unknown.
Scully And that's not flippant?
- Quagmire

Mulder Yeah, I had a praying mantis epiphany and, as a result, I screamed. Not... not a girly scream but the scream of someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited. Did you ever notice how a praying mantis' head resembles an alien's head? The mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day but instead of being astounded I was repulsed.
Scully Mulder, are you sure it wasn't a girly scream?
- War of the Coprophages

Scully Mulder, you're not thinking about tresspassing on government property again, are you? I know you've done it in the past but I don't think this case war...
Mulder Too late. I'm already inside.
Scully (heavy sigh)
- War of the Coprophages

Mulder Yeah, did you know that the ancient Egyptians worshipped the scarab beetle and possibly erected the pyramids to honor them? Which may be giant symbolic dung heaps?
Scully Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named Thomas Crapper?
- War of the Coprophages

Dr. Ibanov (speaking to Mulder) Anyone who thinks that alien visitation will come not in the form of robots but living beings with big eyes and grey skin, has been brainwashed by too much science-fiction.
- War of the Coprophages

[Scully relaying story to Jose Chung]
Detective Manners Well, thanks a lot! You really BLEEPED up this case!
Scully Well, of course he didn't actually say 'bleeped', he said...
Chung No need to elaborate. I'm quite familiar with law enforcement...vernacular.
Mulder You still gonna hold the boy?
Detective Manners Oh, you bet your blankety-blank bleep I am!
- Jose Chung's "From Outer Space"

Blaine Because the "proper authorities" showed up with a couple of Men In Black-one of them was disguised as a woman, but wasn't pulling it off-like her hair was red, but it was a little *too red*, you know? And the other one, the tall, lanky one, his face was so blank and expressionless, he didn't even seem human. I think he was a mandroid. The only time he reacted was when he saw the dead alien body...
Mulder Eeep!! (a girly scream)
Detective Manners Yep, that's a bleeping dead alien body if I ever bleeping saw one.
- Jose Chung's "From Outer Space"

Blaine Well, hey, I didn't spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage.
- Jose Chung's "From Outer Space"

Mulder I have a theory, wanna hear it?
Scully That Van Blundht somehow physically transformed into his captor, then walked out the door, leaving no one the wiser?
Mulder Scully, should we be picking out china patterns or what?
Scully Mulder, why can't you just go for the simple answer? With that blow to the head, the deputy might just as well have identified McGruff the Crime Dog as his attacker!
- Small Potatoes

Langly Frohike's close.
Frohike Don't use my name! What the hell's wrong with you?! Now I'll have to kill you!
Mulder I've been here 20 minutes and I still don't know what the hell is wrong! No one would kill you Frohike, you're just a little puppy dog.
Frohike I don't utter another syllable until the CSM-25 counter-measure filter is activated.
- Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man

Staff Member I'm working on next month's Oscar nominations, any preference?
Cancer Man I couldn't care less. What I don't want to see is the Bills winning the Super Bowl. As long as I'm alive, that doesn't happen.
Staff Member Could be tough sir, Buffalo wants it bad.
Cancer Man So did the Soviets in '80.
Staff Member What are you saying, you rigged the Olympic hockey game?
Cancer Man What's the matter? Don't you believe in miracles?
- Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man

Cancer Man Life...is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an english toffee, but they're gone too fast, and the taste is...fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers.
- Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man

Scully Do you have a theory?
Mulder I have plenty of theories.
- Pilot

Scully Oh, God, Mulder. It smells like...I think it's bile.
Mulder Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?

Scully I noticed you drop everything fast enough in order to help her out.
Mulder I was merely extending her a professional courtesy.
Scully Oh, is that what you were extending?
- Fire

Scully This seat taken?
Mulder No, but I'll warn you, I'm experiencing violent impulses.
Scully I'm armed, so I'll take my chances.

Mulder Do you believe in an afterlife, Scully?
Scully I'd settle for a life in this one.

Mulder Do you know how difficult it is to fake your own death? Only one person has ever pulled it off...Elvis.

Mulder Whatever tape you found in that VCR, it isn't mine.
Scully Good, because I put it in that drawer with all the other tapes that aren't yours.
- Excelsius Dei

Byers Vladimir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats, is being put into power by the most heinous and evil force in the twentieth century.
Mulder Barney?
- E.B.E.




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Last updated: October 24, 1997